Yours, Mine and Ours
by Lana Archer
Summary: Love and betrayal. Bonnie has an important choice to make regarding the Salvatore brothers and try as Elena might to still be the one who holds everyone's heart..she simply isn't enough anymore. What is Damon willing to do to ensure that he holds onto the woman of his dreams? And why is she the same woman Stefan has in mind?
1. Chapter 1

**This wasn't edited so…forgive me.**

**I'm unsure as to whether or not there'll be more to this. Depends on how much people love/hate it I guess. Lol. I also don't know where the hell it came from, but I figured I'd put it up here and see what everyone thought. It isn't overly graphic but I made it 'M' for obvious reasons. Enjoy **

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><p><strong>Yours, Mine and Ours:<strong>

**A Story of Lust and a Lack of Trust**

Bonnie's pretty face was smeared with smatters of bright colours as she giggled and used her fingers to smooth over thick and thin lines on the canvas in front of her. Stefan stood behind her, one arm around her waist, using his free hand to join her in her finger-painting. They were both in their underwear, their bodies smudged here and there with vivid greens and jarring purples and yellows. Bonnie squealed as he lifted her up and pulled her away from the painting they'd made; if you could even call it that at this point. Thanks to their shenanigans it was nothing but a muddled mess of colour – but beautiful all the same.

"Stefan!" She cried out, wriggling in his hold and he moved her deftly in the circle of his arms to turn her around so that they were chest to chest. He lifted her up so that she stood on the flats of his feet, giving her a little more height for when their mouths would meet. The wet paint on his fingers made tracks down her back and strange patterns where they dug into her skin as he gripped the fabric of her black laced underwear. She sighed happily as he slanted their mouths together; like in this moment he'd given her peace. She ran her own paint-riddled fingertips over his shoulders and his chest and up to grip the back of his neck and move between the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He smirked against her mouth when she gasped and used that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. He curled his tongue into her mouth and coaxed hers out to meet his. His hands had a firm grasp of her ass and he kneaded the flesh with his fingers, not bothering to be gentle. She lifted her legs up and he immediately gripped her thighs to steady her, pulling her closer to him as he did so. She arched into him out of instinct, wanting every part of her to touch every part of him as he moved them through the open loft to the King Sized bed a few feet away. Their breaths turned to pants, their kisses to bruises and their touches to flickering sparks of fire over the surface of their skin. Bonnie's hands clawed at him desperately like she'd never held him before and this what one of the many things that Stefan found so enchanting about her. She craved him as much as he craved to _be_ craved. She always wanted more and he'd been waiting his whole life to _give_. He threw her onto the bed, watching as she bounced off of the mattress gently, her green eyes wide with lust and mischief. Her eyes trailed over him; his face, his stomach, his hips, lower still. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as he took off his underwear. He watched with a soul-searing pleasure as a flush of colour surfaced to her cheeks and she sat up a little as he climbed onto the bed. He moved slowly to her, watching as her eyes flitted all over his body. Watching the muscles in his arms and shoulders move as he made his way to her. Again to his face, his eyes, his mouth, like she was memorizing every facet of him. Never before had he found someone's gaze to be so all-consuming, so intimate and intricate. Like she was savouring him.

"_Bonnie_." He breathed as her small arms wound around his neck and pulled him to her mouth. Her kisses were sweet and forceful, just enough pressure to let him know that though she could kiss him for hours, right now she wanted more than that…needed more than that.

"We got paint all over everything." She whispered against his mouth and Stefan nipped at her lip, sucking on it immediately after before covering her mouth with his.

"…Don't care." He muttered a while later, "I'd dip us both in paint and make love to you on every surface in this apartment if you'd let me." She began to writhe underneath him as his fingers tore at the feeble fabric of her lingerie. Moments later it fluttered to the side of the bed, leaving her only in her bra.

"I'd let you," she said against his mouth as he lifted them both, mouths still moving against one another's as he took her bra off, "You know I'd let you do whatever it is you'd like to with me." He growled against her mouth and pushed her down onto the mattress.

"_Prove_ it." He said gruffly, lifting her thighs to his waist where they immediately locked at the ankle. He was seconds from being inside of her, but even so he felt like he needed something more tangible than that…he needed her word, that she was his. Bonnie's hands were on either side of his face.

"What more could I give you? Everything underneath you, every part of me was once his and yet you want me all the same…I have nothing _more_ to give you." She said, a frown moving across her forehead.

"You have _everything_ to give me, if you'd just …_give it_ to me already." Stefan grunted against her mouth when he felt how ready she was for him. Bonnie's back arched as he entered her and the sound of her strangled voice wrapping around his name as she wrapped around him would surely be his undoing. "Say you're mine." He growled into her ear as he moved with a deliberate slow pace. She looked at him then, and nodded as her body shuddered.

"I'm yours." He dove deeper into her then, punctuating her words with a sharp shout of ecstasy.

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><p>Damon hated doing this to her, his wife, he really did. But for some reason he couldn't stop doing it either. As Elena moved under him he instantly felt nothing but regret. Even though not moments ago, before he had the woman naked he'd wanted nothing more than to pull her hair while he bent her over her kitchen counter. <em>Now<em>…Now he didn't even want to look at Elena while he sought out his own pleasure. Bonnie would be broken if she ever found out. He _knew_ she would. Because he'd be torn apart if she so much as kissed another man. Yet, there he was, having angry sex with his ex while his wife waited for him at home. She'd called twice about an hour ago, obviously giving up, thinking he'd gotten stuck in another meeting. Her unflappable trust in him was both endearing and repulsive to Damon – especially now; he knew he wasn't worthy of Bonnie's trust and he'd made a point of telling her this, even after all these years, but she smiled and kissed him and loved until he couldn't even remember what he'd been so miserable about.

But then Elena fell back out of the sky and onto his dick. Like she always did. He didn't know why they kept doing this to one another…no matter what she always snuck under his skin and made him question his sanity. They knew they weren't good for one another but their physical chemistry was off the charts…it was the only thing that had ever worked with them to begin with really. But now, now that he had _Bonnie_…and even though his body was still stuck in the same-old same-old routine with Elena, his heart had other plans. Like clenching in his chest and making him feel nauseas apparently. And it wasn't like he and Bonnie didn't have _great_ sex…as it stood it was a _million_ times more gratifying than whatever Elena thought she was doing on top of him now... Damon growled and pushed Elena off of him so suddenly and with a force that caused the woman to yell out in shock.

"Damon, what _gives_?" She snapped when he sat up and turned his back to her.

"I needed you off of me." Was his bitter response. "And before you think of slinking over her and draping yourself over me while you pout and try to get my erection back up again I suggest you _don't_." He heard Elena huff indignantly.

"Is this about Bonnie?" she muttered after a while and Damon's eyes squeezed shut as he thought of his Bonnie.

"It's about _more_ than Bonnie," he said after a while, "It's about me too…I keep _doing_ this," he hissed angrily, "Fucking up the only good things I have going for me…First Stefan and now Bonnie…she was my best friend and he was my brother and I'm _ruining_ them…if I haven't already… and all _you've_ ever done is try and screw my issues out of me…but I'm supposed to be smarter than this…I'm supposed to have learned something by now. Sex with you means nothing to me, it doesn't even get me off anymore and yet I still drive myself into you with so much force, like I'm demanding a reaction from my dick but it doesn't come…_I_ don't come. All I think about is Bonnie and how much this is going to kill her…"

"_Don't tell her_." Elena replied easily.

"I should," Damon said, "And she should leave me…it's the way it should go. But I can't lose her. I won't and I don't care what I have to do to make sure that that doesn't happen. She's _mine_." Elena moved then and came to sit next to him. Both of them completely naked and unaffected.

"What if I said that I was still yours?" She murmured and Damon looked at her; the same insecure tilt of her brows, innocent widening of her eyes while she pursed her lips. Damon moved into her space, moving his nose past hers with an affection long dead between them.

"Then I'd have to say you're a fucking _idiot_." He whispered and got up to get dressed.

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><p>By the time Damon got home Bonnie had just stepped out of the shower in their three story countryside estate. She stood in front of the mirror holding her fluffy robe open, frowning when she saw scars and bruises littering her body. Starting when she heard the adjoined bedroom door opening she wrapped herself up in the robe and peaked out of the bathroom to see Damon peeling his suit off. She took stock of his movements, his expression as he undressed; he was upset again and she didn't know if she had it in her anymore to try and reach out to him, to help him. He always shut her out or fucked her senseless, leaving the problems exactly where they were before and she was getting sick of it. She'd always love him; she'd given him everything she had and like everyone else before him…he made her feel like it wasn't good enough. And then Stefan came into view…<p>

"How was your day?" Damon asked, pulling her back into the moment. She smiled quickly and stepped fully into their bedroom.

"Uneventful. Yours?" She asked as she ruffled her still wet hair with a towel.

"_Dreadful_." Damon muttered sourly and she nodded, feigning sympathy as best as she could. She was picking a bottle of lotion to use when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. This was new.

"That bad?" She joked, her hands covering his as they gripped her. She felt her body relax as he dropped his head to her shoulder, taking slow even breaths as they stood there. She'd _missed_ this.

"I'm sorry I don't appreciate you enough." He muttered against her skin and she froze, before raising a hand to run through his midnight hair. "I know I've been horrible." She stayed quiet. She wasn't going to absolve him of all of his mistakes because was having a moment of weakness, or whatever this was. Besides, if she forgave him how on _Earth_ would she justify everything with Stefan? He turned her around in his arms then and kissed her softly, sweetly, like he had on their wedding day, three years ago. "I love you and I'm sorry." He kissed her again, with a frightening ferocity that she slipped into unsteadily, her mouth moulding instinctually to his in a way she'd forgotten she was capable of. He'd barely touched her affectionately in the last six months and this kiss was scorching away every late night, every wistful sigh, every miscommunication…but she wouldn't let it. So she fought it, but she fought in vain.

The sounds of his laboured breathing against her mouth and neck, the smell of him that she'd longed for even though he was always with her, the feel of him under her fingertips…it was making a mess of everything she'd put so carefully in place over the last while. She thought he was going to divorce her, or at the very least move one of them out of the house…never this. Never this unbridled passion and sincerity…he was almost unrecognisable as he moved his mouth against hers, as he looked at her like he was losing her…like he could somehow feel her slipping through his fingers even as his own fingers made quick work of arousing her.

When had they moved to the bed?

"Forgive me." He breathed against her skin as scraped his teeth and moved his tongue over her breasts, "…Please." Bonnie gasped as she arched against him. "…_Love_ me." Bonnie was grateful that it was so dark when he ripped the robe open, revealing her naked body. His eyes snapped up to hers with such a darkness in them she thought for a second he'd realised that the bruises were shaped like fingers…his _brothers_ fingers…but the lust in them waved the thoughts away. He ripped off the rest of his clothes while Bonnie wondered how she'd suddenly gone from feeling estranged to him to feeling like she was the one who'd put the distance between them in the first place, though she knew it wasn't true. Bonnie suddenly found herself thinking of Elena and how the girl had also dabbled with the brothers' feelings at one point back in high school. Bonnie's irritation at the mention of Elena in her thoughts was blown away as Damon's tongue licked a trail further and further down her body. An exclamation of pleasure fell from her lips as she panted his name while he tortured her so perfectly.

"Yes," she hissed, "Damon, please, _more_." She felt dirty and dishonest but she couldn't think past the pleasure Damon was curling her up in in that moment…not realising that in this they were both eerily similar. He stopped then and moved up to look her in the eye.

"Say you're mine." He demanded as he hovered over her, ready to do her bidding the minute she gave into him fully. Bonnie searched his face. A face so familiar and so _loved_ by her…the face of a man she thought she'd long ago lost. A man who'd done nothing but berate his entire existence despite her love for him. A man who had forgotten, it seemed, all about her until tonight. Even though she'd never left his side since he tumbled into her life – no matter what he'd done or what they'd been through. He didn't deserve her and in a sickening way they'd both known that and now…Bonnie felt as though she didn't deserve him…because she'd turned out to be his exact likeness. And they would surely devour one another, after destroying those around them first. "…Bonnie?" she blinked.

"Why even ask? You know I've always been yours, I've just been waiting for you to be fully _mine_." He swallowed guiltily and nodded, she didn't know how right she was. He leaned into her, his lips moving over hers as he spoke.

"I'm yours; I'm as much yours as you are mine." Bonnie kissed him roughly then, hoping their passion could drown out the fierce remorse she felt twisting in her stomach.

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><p><strong>Thoughts?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **Alright, have it your way. This will now be a three-parter. This one is for contextualisation like a lot of you asked for, so in a sense it begins with a flashback from the character's perspective to the events leading up to Bonnie having sex with both Damon (her husband) and Stefan in the same day. Yes, Elena is a little 'OOC' in this, but when you're basing your work off of a character that is so far gone I have to question what _isn't_ in-character for Elena. But I'm not going to get into that right now.

**Side notes: **Elena and Damon only dated. Same with her and Stefan. This is all human. Both brothers love Bonnie…yeah; I think that's about it. _Thank you_ for the reviews; it was my first 'risqué' piece so I was really happy to see the responses I got. Without further ado.

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><p><strong>Yours, Mine and Ours:<strong>

**A Kiss While Lying**

Intimacy is more than a touch, it is a perspective; an understanding. A shared ideal, a moment of privacy between two people regardless of circumstance, simply wanting to share themselves. Intimacy has been bent and twisted by some, strangled of its essence, left out in the sun to dry and wither. Those that disregard intimacy disregard love. Elena had no regard for intimacy; she'd lost all value for it some time ago. She'd lost value on herself; not her _physical_ self, oh no, she held that part of her in high esteem. It was her 'soul' for lack of a better word that she'd grown tired of. She found the whole charade very taxing in fact. First with Matt and his perpetual innocence, then Stefan who hated himself too much to accept love and then Damon who loved so much that it turned to hate. She'd loved them all and she'd left them all but she always wanted them to come back to her. She could never discern the reasoning behind her need to be desired but it flared every time she didn't get the attention she craved. First Matt decided to settle down and start a family, then Stefan, _well_; Stefan never really forgave her for loving Damon more than she loved him. She could understand that but it pleased her that every now and then he'd look her way with what she imagined longing looked like. Then Damon, the one who she was sure could finally sate the insanity that roared within her. But then he did the darndest thing: _he_ left _her_. As if that wasn't a testament to his sudden dabbling in madness he then decided to marry Bonnie. _Bonnie_. _Her_ Bonnie. Bonnie Bennett, her best-_fucking_-friend. The audacity. To make matters worse Bonnie had decided suddenly that she loved Damon too. So they went through with it, Stefan grinning like an idiot as he watched on while his brother and best friend tied the knot, Caroline crying at the dramatics of it all claiming to have 'seen it all coming' while she bawled into Enzo's button down. Elena had sat there all the while, pursing her lips and wondering when she'd get him back. Damon _always_ came back to her; out of every man she'd loved he was certainly the most recklessly resilient and persistent. She didn't doubt for a moment that Bonnie's wide-eyed undying love had anything on the way Damon came undone when she made him scream her name. She just had to remind him that's all.

She didn't have to wait long. A year and a half to be exact. That's when she and Damon first kissed. Granted, he pulled away and snarled a slew of obscenities at her but she knew she'd planted the seed. Smirking all the while she patted his cheek at the end of his tirade and meandered back to the dining room of the Salvatore estate where all their friends were readying themselves for a monthly dinner Caroline all but forced them into signing a blood oath to ensure their attendance. She sat down across from Bonnie, watching as the woman argued playfully with her brother in law; Stefan claiming to know more about fine arts than she could ever hope to was teasing her about a painting she'd been gushing over and she rolled her eyes as she shoved at him, calling him a bully.

"I'm not a bully Bon," he countered, "I know you're all excited about decorating the new house and getting everything perfect but that painting you showed me? It's like Katy Perry tried all her wigs on at once and sang a bunch of Lady Gaga songs." Bonnie laughed at that and stared at him oddly.

"I'm going to let you get away with insulting my apparent poor taste in art," Bonnie said with a giggle weaving through her words, "But only if you promise _never_ to make absurd pop culture references ever again."

"You have my word Salvatore." Stefan said with a wink that she returned with a grin. Damon swept into the room then. Elena couldn't help when her eyes followed him, he was all tufts of black hair and glittering blue eyes as he took a seat next to his wife, kissing her cheek as she squeezed his hand when he moved closer to her. Elena watched as Stefan swallowed and averted his eyes and she was immediately intrigued. Bonnie and Damon shared a hard kiss and Caroline muttered something about table manners while Stefan busied himself with the napkin ring near his hand. Elena had to reign in her excitement. She was going to get Damon back and she was going to use his brother to do it.

_One month later_

"Oh my gosh, _baby_!" Bonnie called out, "Baby, look! Isn't it perfect?" She swooned a little and clasped her hands together, gushing as she looked up at the painting she'd just hung. Damon was behind her moments later, his hands wrapping around her waist and he hummed right into her ear, tightening his grip.

"You could hang the neighbour's trash on our walls and I'd still love it," Damon growled, kissing her ear while she giggled at his logic before schooling her features in a sly smirk that he couldn't see.

"That so?" she asked, pressing herself against his front, moving against him. He moaned in response.

"_Yeah_." He managed to say through his clenched teeth as she ground herself against him, craning her neck backwards to look up at him, her green eyes mischievous. She moved his one hand up to cup her breast and led the other one down to cup her sex while she used her other free hand to pull him down by the back of his neck. Teasing him all the while as she moved her hips in a tempo that had him standing to attention in a matter of moments. Just before she kissed him she nipped at his bottom lip with her teeth, sucking in a shuddering breath as he flicked her nipple. His hand disappeared under her dress and she moaned against his mouth.

"Yeah?" she whispered again and in a flash her back was against the wall, rattling the painting she'd just hung as Damon pressed against her. His hands were on either side of her, his eyes boring into hers.

"How the fuck did I get so lucky?" He wondered and she grinned, pulling him to her by the loops of his jeans, bring the bottom halves of their bodies together.

"You can fawn over me," Bonnie said looking up at him with those innocent eyes he'd known for so long, "…_after_ you fuck me." Damon almost came right then and there. He moved his mouth over hers as he began to tear mercilessly at the dress she was in, pleased as punch when he realised she wasn't wearing a bra underneath. Lifting his shirt up and off while she worked at the zipper on his jeans they climbed into one another, laughing as they tumbled a little as they made their way blindly into their living room tearing off their underwear. Damon found himself against a wall this time, Bonnie's hands all over him, seeking out every part of his body. Damon was too impatient for some reason, lifting her up and slamming her against the wall as he slammed into her. A sharp shout left Bonnie as she clung to him. He couldn't help the way he moved against her in that moment, like he was an addict getting closer and closer to his fix. Bonnie's head fell back as he messed with the tempo of her breathing, her eyes closed and her mouth panting as she hissed his name. His mouth trailed hot kisses from her jaw, to her neck, her shoulder and back up until it nibbled on her bottom lip. He locked eyes with her then and grinned, moving to a nearby couch and sitting down and she smiled, moving her hair out of her face as she straddled him, redefining their pace. He watched as she swivelled her hips and arched her back and he became dazed as she moved above him, every curve of her body caught and reflected the light, every moan she made caught and reflected his passion as he grunted and tried not to get too cross eyed in case he missed any of it. He brought her to him and kissed her senseless, their tongues moving in ways that robbed them of both sense of self and time. Here, on the cusp of satisfaction is where they were one; where they were the same person. Every characteristic, every flaw, every quirk, every goodness in them falling away in this primal space until they melded into one entity. Damon's mouth scoured every inch of her body and Bonnie kept coaxing more and more satisfaction from his body – he was sure she'd kill him this way someday. In complete synchronicity they both climaxed at the same time and she looked down at him. Gripping some of his hair she lifted his head to lock eyes with him and kissed him roughly on the mouth, fully aware that he was still inside of her.

"I love you." She breathed against his mouth and smiled when his arms wound around her.

"I fucking love _you_." Damon said and kissed her back, nibbling on her clavicle and gripping her waist tightly between his two hands.

_Five months later_

Stefan had a penchant for self-loathing it seemed. When he was growing up all he wanted was to have a better relationship with Damon, especially after their father died. Stefan hadn't known his mother but Damon had and had a made a point to never even say her name. When Stefan fell in love for the first time it just so happened to be his neighbour's girlfriend – Elena Gilbert. She was everything he wanted in a girl; sweet, shy, but with a glitter of something dangerous in her eye that made you hang at her every word. Not a month later after she caught him staring at her were they kissing to celebrate her breaking up with Matt Donovan. Then, just when he thought he had it made she fell for his brother, and Damon being the dickhead he is, caught her happily. Bonnie watched this all the while, frowning and cussing them all out for acting like hooligans. She was Stefan and Damon's best friend, Elena's too, always had been and she was as shrewd and self-righteous as they came. But she was wonderful and brought both boys together in her proverbial 'no man's land' she was 'Switzerland' as she put it – fixing their relationship with her friendship. Most days that was achieved simply by just being herself. She and Stefan grew closer while Damon and Elena distanced themselves from the world in their whirlwind romance. Stefan grew to understand her every quirk, every angle and he loved her fiercely as a result. Just as he was about to kiss her he blinked and she told him that Damon had told her he loved her. Stefan stammered incoherently a few times, not even realising how much time had passed since he last paid attention to anything outside of his love for Bonnie. He nodded and smiled and she hugged him, thanking him for supporting her.

It turned out that Elena was an emotional scam artist and couldn't stick to fidelity if you paid her. Damon broke it off with her and bemoaned the tragedy of his broken heart to Bonnie. He soon realised that everything he wanted, everything he needed was Bonnie. So he asked her if he could have it. And she said yes. They dated for years before they married and Stefan had thought that with each year that passed that he would love Bonnie less, hate himself for losing her less but it never happened. He fell so swiftly into misery that it startled Damon and Bonnie, who both loved him dearly and still worry about him to this day. He almost slept with Elena, a few times, but he could never see it through. In fact, every time she kissed him for too long he grew nauseas and pushed her away – the self-loathing mounting.

So he began to visit Bonnie more, it was around her second year of being his sister in law and she still had time to listen to him bitch about his life. Except today it seemed he would be comforting her. Not that he minded, he loved being useful to her.

"Bon?" He asked, making sure he didn't startle her but she didn't respond as she stood in front of the kettle watching it boil. He walked over to her and turned her around, his heart rate speeding when he saw she was crying. Pulling her into a hug while he thought of what he could do, his reeling mind was inundated with the sounds of her muffled sobs. "Bonnie, what – who, what's going on?" He asked as she clung to him. She didn't answer for the longest time and he let her cry. Eventually she stopped, wiping at her face as she moved from him, and reheating the kettle as she sighed.

"I don't think Damon loves me anymore." She whispered after a while. Stefan frowned, that was _preposterous_, the only person who loved Bonnie more than he did was his brother. Stefan had seen Damon in love and everything he was when he was with Bonnie was a testament to how much _more_ it was with her. Damon was _tolerable_ loving Bonnie, he was happy, he actually went out of his way to make people around him happy. He bent over backwards for the woman with a smile on his face and she helped him back up and kissed him for his efforts. Bonnie was good for him and he was good for her. Stefan knew this and he knew it well because it was the only reason that he hadn't lost his mind. He loved Bonnie enough to want her to be happy and she _was_ happy, so Stefan was happy for her. But it didn't seem like she was happy anymore and once again Stefan was wondering what had happened while he had gotten lost inside of his head.

"That's not possible." Stefan said, because it wasn't. No one fell out of love with Bonnie Bennett – he knew that from experience. Bonnie frowned as she filled their mugs with hot water, fixing their tea. She walked past him into her living room and sat their cups down, waving to the couch in front of the coffee table while she sat at the edge of it. Stefan obliged her and watched as she fiddled with her wedding ring for a few moments.

"I think Elena was right," Bonnie said her eyes misty as she looked off in the distance, "When she said that Damon would come back to her, I mean how many times did they break up when we were kids?" Stefan nodded, but frowned in disagreement all the same.

"True, but you dated for years before you married each other," Stefan pointed out, "He didn't go back to her then." Bonnie chewed her bottom lip and let off a soft growl of frustration as she sighed, wiping angrily at her tear-lined face. Stefan didn't like having to see her and not being able to touch her. But if he touched her he might grow to love her more and he couldn't stomach that.

"He loves me?" She asked, locking eyes with Stefan and he swallowed thickly at the sight of her, so vulnerable and sad and more than anything he wished he could be the one to fix her heart but he knew only Damon could. There was a reason Bonnie loved his brother as fiercely as she did, why Damon loved her as fiercely as he did.

"He loves you." Stefan said, his hand on her knee and he watched with a hollow feeling in his gut as she nodded and began to smile, even as two more tears fell. One, two. But she left them unchecked as she nodded, whatever impending hysteria ebbing away as Stefan waved off her doubts. In that moment he hated himself more than he ever had.

_Two months later_

Damon had a sick feeling in his stomach. He was warring with himself again. Stefan was miserable and he didn't know what to do, Bonnie was worried about everyone else as usual; juggling that with her gallery. Damon felt _itchy_. Inside his _head_, he couldn't make sense of it. Stefan was more depressed than he himself had ever been, and Damon had been _depressed_. Damon wanted to fix it, he wanted to help but he couldn't see past this _feeling_. Elena had called him, sounding distraught and bereft and it left him with this _thing_. He'd known, when he walked away from their relationship that a part of him would always love her, but he never realised how persistent that part would turn out to be. She was poison, her label was all warnings. But he'd drunken from it anyway and he didn't know why but a small part of him was just _itching_ to make sure she was okay. He sometimes still caught glimpses of the girl she was when he loved her; all doe eyed and reckless, calling to the idiocy inside of him. He was his worst when he was with her but he never saw himself as good in any case. She didn't care what he thought about himself and there was a freedom in that, he knew. Bonnie cared about him so deeply, loved him so fully that all she did was think of him, every facet of him ending up under her scrutiny. She never hated him for anything she saw but Damon sometimes hated how well she saw through him, because it meant he had to see himself too. Through her eyes, see all the love she had for him and it choked him because it was _all_ he'd ever wanted from someone…he'd lived his whole life to have a girl love him the way Bonnie did. And she did. Yet, the sicker, twisted part of him sought out Elena's love, because it was easy and empty, and he didn't have to think about who he was – because he hated himself and Elena didn't care about who he was.

Damon finally recognised the feeling eating away at his insides like acid – it was lust for a woman who wasn't his wife. It was making him sick, and to prove this he was suddenly doubled over in the office bathroom, his lunch making a swift departure from his stomach. Soon after he made his way to the mirror and sink, rinsed out his mouth and stared himself down.

"You're going to ruin what's left of yourself." Damon vowed as he held his own gaze, "Everything you wanted, everything you feel you never deserved is yours and you hate yourself for it…We both know you're about to ruin it all."

An hour later he kissed Elena. Seconds after that he threw up again and left her apartment without another word.

* * *

><p><strong>Right.<strong>

**This ends at the two years and two months mark. The first chapter was at three years of Bonnie and Damon's marriage so everything will get tied up in the next and final instalment. Words will be had, tears will be shed and the truth will be known. Also, I hope I'm relaying the relationship dynamics well enough for you guys. The contrast between Elena's love and Bonnie's and how it affects both brothers, because it's **_**super important**_**. This isn't just about sex. Not even for Elena, her insecurity has changed her as a person and that's why she's all twisted and bitter. But the crux of it all is who Bonnie is going to choose when it comes down to it. Please let me know what you guys think, you know I adore feedback.**

**Stay excellent.**


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